by Matt Moore
As 2014 comes to an end, blogs, newspapers, magazines, and professional organizations have revealed their projected food and fitness trends for the following year. The following list joins in on the fun and is a very biased look at 2015 based on no research or evidence whatsoever and does not necessarily reflect the views of the Sprout.
Well, it’s about that time. Everyone from Vogue (which I obviously don’t read…usually) to the American College of Sports Medicine has published their lists of food and fitness trends to watch in 2015. I am not a registered dietician, personal trainer, or restaurant professional, but I still consider myself to be an expert in everything. Therefore I am well qualified to announce the food and fitness trends and developments that I am hopeful for next year.
1. Urine therapy, which the British Dietetic Association placed on the top of its list of celebrity diets to avoid in 2015, actually becomes a thing. Imagine the cookbooks.
2. Insect-based protein takes off. But only if they figure out how to make it taste like chocolate and instantized for mixing in milk so I don’t actually think I’m eating insects.
3. “Souping” does NOT become the new juicing. “Not juicing” becomes the new juicing.
4. Wings reclaim happy hour from oysters.
5. Beer reclaims…itself from the growing number of michelada concoctions.
6. A cataclysmic event occurs that renders all bar, restaurant, and delivery apps and ordering tablets inoperable and forces people to actually interact with one another to get a drink, snack, or meal.
7. The tipping debate ends. Tip. Probably. But not too much.
8. People realize the only technology needed for exercise is a writing utensil, paper, and a stopwatch.
9. People realize the only clothes needed for exercise are an old t-shirt, shorts, and non-dilapidated shoes. And high socks for deadlifts if you’re doing them right. People should deadlift. And squat.
10. Someone (anyone!) comes up with a concrete definition of “local” food.
11. Cattle Decapitation and UltraMantis Black embark on a sold-out, worldwide arena tour to show that metal and hardcore music are the most progressive musical genres in existence while spreading messages of environmentalism, animal rights, and veganism/vegetarianism. I continue eating meat.
12. Tom Philpott never click baits hipsters again (but seriously, stop drinking almond milk).
14. The following terms are retired from the universal lexicon: “restless palette syndrome,” “food porn,” “foodie,” “HIIT,” “MetCon,” “clean eating,” “juice cleanse,” “cronut,” “#gymselfie,” “locavore,” “click bait.”
15. CrossFit disappears forever. But I’ll settle for Rich Froning announcing he is becoming a distance runner while devouring a loaf of bread topped with pasta.
Matt Moore is a first-year AFE student who loves lists and avoids trendiness at all costs. He promises to not abuse his newfound editor powers, and all future pieces will return to being objective.